User Profile

I'm a recovering alcoholic. This journal exists as a place for me to write about my experiences in achieving sobriety.

Today, I'm about five months sober.

How did I get here? By my eye teeth.

I'd tried religion, AA, therapy, moderate drinking, bargaining with myself... anything short of entering a treatment program. None of it seemed to stick to me. Perhaps it wasn't the right time. The stars hadn't aligned in my favor. Who knows?

Whatever it was, I'm thankful for it.

There are going to be typos throughout this journal. This isn't a reflection or my desire for perfection. You won't find a laundry list of my daily achievements... "THANK GAWD I DIDN'T CHOOSE DRINK TODAY! PRAISE JEEBUS!"

This is a segment of my reality, raw me. I have a full life, and sobriety is just a facet of what allows me to be the whole person that I have fought hard for and won. However, by my choice, I have not surrounded myself with an IRL community of soberiety-oriented community. You will learn my reasons for not doing so as this journal progresses.

Alcoholism, avoidance, and tragedy is a large part of the ongoing dysfunctional nature of my family. My brother is currently drinking himself to an early grave. My mother died (surprisingly not of alcoholism, although she was an alcoholic) when I was in my late teens. My father uses marijuana recreationally and drinks excessively with his friends when "the kids" (now in our 30's) aren't looking. My own husband is still an alcoholic in denial, but he's slowly coming out of it.

It's enough to drive a person to drink.

Fuck that!

Oh yeah. And I use foul language. I have two remaining vices... I smoke cigarettes and I curse when I feel like it. I'm in the process of preparing to lose the smoking. I'll probably keep the cursing around for a while.

Welcome. I am going to try and figure out how to keep anonymous posting. I respect your desire to either be known or remain in the shadows. The world being what it is, the stigma associated with illnesses classified as behavioral disorders, employers, stalkers, cruel people. Whatever. I won't be journaling about those issues very much. I'll only be writing about my personal experiences and how I'm rolling through them. You will learn that alcoholism is not my only illness. I used alcohol to self-medicate for about a decade. Part of my recovery process has been stepping up to the plate and addressing underlying health conditions... ones that have no cure, and some that have yet to be understood.

I am out of crisis, and I refuse to be pulled back into negativity (particularly over something as unimportant as a stranger's opinion). Therefore, I reserve the right to not respond to comments or challenges for any reason. I might not be interested in your thread of conversation, your tone, have time in the day. No one is entitled to an answer, my time, or my attention. You will get attention if you are kind, thoughtful, insightful, humane.

If you are an alcoholic and are in need of immediate assistance - this is not the place to find resources. There are hundreds of communities and public services. Open your phone book, find a crisis line. There are people ready and waiting to give you direct and professional help.

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